when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
