OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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