Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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