"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
