My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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