That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
