Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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