I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
