just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
