she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
