My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
