cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
