Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
