okay pat passed out under dana's car
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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