Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
