You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
