Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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