I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
