hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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