Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize