Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
