Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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