Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
