I can tuck mytits in my pants
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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