Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
