so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
