dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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