well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
