piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The air was thick with penises
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
