if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
