mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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