Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
