drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
