I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
