i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
