genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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