omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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