I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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