found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
