I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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