Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
