I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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