Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
