He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
