so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
