Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
