The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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