I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
