May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
birth control should be required to get into college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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