I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
