i just google imaged poop.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
