Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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