oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
