i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
