dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
