so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
