Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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