When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
