Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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