Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize