We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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