Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
