Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
