Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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