you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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