Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
