ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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