hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
