I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
