there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Panties = found
Randomize
