I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
