I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Two words: nipple clamps
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