I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
