If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
