I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need to get me chipped asap
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
