I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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