Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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