can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
