I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
