I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
being pregnant is like rehab
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
