I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
