my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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