Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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