I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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