come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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