By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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