Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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