I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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