If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
