The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
