Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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