Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
