Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
