dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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