I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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