when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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