Your face is a jimmy john
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize