If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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