Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
