how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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