i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
